Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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