I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
