apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
