so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
