so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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