did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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