Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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