The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
