you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
