The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
