You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
