I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
