I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
