so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
