I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
