Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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