New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
