I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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