That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
