My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
