I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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