I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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