there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
