Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
