i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
