You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
