Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
