Redeem this text for a blowjob
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
