I love black thongs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize