and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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