Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
