i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
