The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
