dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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