The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
