DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
