ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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