I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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