Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
