I feel like abortions should bother me more
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
