I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
