Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
