i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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