Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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