i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
