You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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