If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
