in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
