SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
