how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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