I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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