That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
