Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
