so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
