you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
