I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i will never coherently bang her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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