I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
